At the moment, here in Cape Town, there is an incredible
fire raging through the Cape Peninsula mountain range. It seems to be
unstoppable and just when one thinks it has died down in one area it seems to reappear.
It has taken many firefighters (300) to try to control the fire over the last
three days – and with difficulty. They have been brave. Some say that it might
continue burning for the rest of the week. There is an unpredictable quality about
bush fire; it rages, it is fearsome, it keeps on burning whatever is in its way.
So it is devastatingly dangerous to humans and animals. On the other-hand the bush fire is necessary for
the germination of the new seeds of the vynbos but controlled fire burning, over
time, is what is needed.
For most of us onlookers we feel a little helpless when we
see the devastation it is wrecking.
Anger is like the bush fire and can be dangerous: when you
finally express it, or pin-point what or who is provoking you, anger flares
up in unpredictable ways. We can’t be sure where it will take us -both the reactor and the recipient. Once it is
fueled, anger rages through your mind and body; sometimes flaming high and
hot; sometimes smoldering steadily for days causing internal and external
damage.
For those who express anger in a flammable manner it may feel
like it is over as soon as it starts but for those who smolder it can continue
for days and months as they harbor offenses, frustrations and irritations. For the recipient, or the
onlooker so to speak, who experience the flammable wrath of others, it is not over so quickly; they are left picking up the pieces
of the devastation of those angry members who have moved on. They land up
holding the pain – just like seeing the path of devastation of the fire.
It is
also difficult to live with people who smolder. Smoldering people try so hard
not to offend and keep their grievances to themselves. It doesn’t work. You know
the saying “where there is smoke there is fire?” well those around the “smolderer”
see the smoke and intuitively know there is fire. The "smolderer" might have shut down to
their outer world but their mind is working overtime. Body language, facial
expressions, sullen or grumpy moods and passive aggressive actions are some of
the tell-tale signs. What feels uneasy for the onlooker is they don’t know
where the “fire” is or where it is going to.
It is important to keep the communication channels open –
like controlled fire burning. If you make it a habit to keep short accounts and
own your feelings you will find it enhances your relationships; after all you
never know whether it will be you or your friend, a family member or partner
who needs to air difficult feelings.
Keep on communicating.
A warm smile,
Morag
